Sunday, October 13, 2013

What happens when the meds stop working?

My beautiful son D is in 2nd grade now. He is a brilliant student who excels in all areas. Reads at a fifth grade level, has an amazing math sense and has the vocabulary of an educated adult. 

He also had an extreme case of ADHD. I knew well before kindergarten that this would be a struggle for us and I delayed the inevitable testing for as long as I could. We tried diets and supplements scheduling a strict routine at home. Nothing seemed to work. So after a visit with his amazing pediatrician ( who better never retire ) that ended in tears, I started him on Ritalin. 

For the parents that this works for, kudos. I am thankful that your child is doing wonderful and I congratulate you on finding something that works. At first it worked for us. Then came the sleep problems. Easily cured by melatonin. The came the waking up at three am. Every. Morning. So we changed his dose. Again. And again. And again. 

We hanged his medications. We added different medications. We stopped the medication just to go back on it. We had an extensive evaluation at a wonderful childrens hospital to test for anything underlying that could be causing it to not work. 

This time he is on a high dose of Adderal and two Clonadines a day. He is brilliant at school and does wonderful in the early afternoon. But then come the meltdowns. 


Last night after dinner D hunkered down on his video game. I informed him it was not time for that, he has to clean out his cats litter box before anything else can happen. He whines for a minute and eventually gets the cat box cleaned out. His friend comes over to see if D can play. I tell D that part of cleaning the box is cleaning the litter around it. Part 1 of an extensive meltdown starts. BUUUUUT MOOOOOOOOM YOU SAID I HAD TO CLEAN OUT THE LITTER BOX. MOT THE WHOLE BATHROOM. WHY CANT YOU TAKE CARE OF MY STUPID CAT. YOU PET HIM TOO. *dramatically throws the broom and dustpan effectively breaking the already cracked dustpan* I inform him that because of his tantrum he can no longer play outside and he has to spend some time in his room thinking of ways he can keep his behavior positive. He stomps up the stairs making as much noise as a 48 lb eight year old can and slams his door ( I think I need to put some weather stripping around the frame to buffer the noise as this is becoming a frequent habit of his ) His friend S comes and knocks on the door again. I open and try to politely explain that D made some behavior choices that I don't allow and that he is inside for the night. Here comes D shadowing behind me screaming about... Well... Honestly I tuned it out. I have an amazing set if "Mom ears". You should get a pair. 

Fast forward to D curled up in the corner feeling awful about his decisions and his actions. He tells me he hates himself and he doesn't know why he does these things. It's a "explosion of energy" he says. 

I have decided to keep him on his medication for one more week. If we can come up with a game plan with his therapist to help this behavior, then I will keep him on it strictly for education. But I can't handle my sweet baby boy being aggressive and depressed as an incredibly horrid side effect of a medication that is supposed to help him. 

I gave him it this morning and he is as passive as ever. Following instruction with a little bit of hesitance and whining, but nothing abnormal for an eight year old that is expected to do a few moderate chores before the week starts. We will see how this even goes. 

Do any of you fellow readers out there have children on medication? What are your experiences, positive or negative? 

Friday, September 27, 2013

My earliest memory

It was so green. Ferns and trees covered the long slope behind our apartment just big enough for my mom, her husband and the three of us kids. 

My step dad and I were out on the small deck and I can still feel the rush of the wind and the terror in my bones as he tossed me higher and higher in the air. I was giggling and screaming for him to stop at the same time. It was exhilarating and terrifying. 

I can remember the feeling of love and comfort in his arms as he would catch me. I would rest my head on his chest and hear him talk. His voice rumbles from his chest into my ear as I hear him talk about work and plans for our new house. The one my Papa built. 

I was three. My life was just beginning and my memories just starting to form. My memory is like a patchwork quilt inside my head made of colors and images sometimes little clips of what felt like out of body experiences. I can see myself flying into the air. I can see myself curled up against the wall crying or screaming down the hallway. 

If I can remember little things, meaningless things; why can I not remember an appointment that's been scheduled or to put my sons homework in his back pack? Sometimes to even flush the toilet. 


Monday, September 9, 2013

Your sticking that where?!

What?! There!? AND THERE?! 

Yup... After the toilet and my behind get to know each other VERY well tomorrow ( or so I have heard ) I am going in for my very first, and hopefully only ever, colonoscopy. 

See this all started years ago with a little pain. Progressively getting worse and worse each year until two weeks ago I landed my pretty bottom in a chair at the local GI office. After a brief and embarrassing discussion about my symptoms ( Come on folks, I can hardly talk to my OB about sex and my husband can't think of one time in almost eight years that I have pooped ) she told me that we need to do a... COLONOSCOPY. 

I ran screaming out of the office, jumped in my van and pealed off as if it where a Camaro. 

No... After she explained in graphic and horrifying detail about the things they are going to probe me with, I wanted to run. But then they said the magic word... Sedative. And I am good. It wasn't until after I scheduled the appointment that she told me what they wanted me to do... Before hand. 

At noon tomorrow I have to take two stool softeners followed by drinking half a gallon of what I am told tastes like salt water. Then I have to sit on the toilet until my poo goes from solid to water. 

Oh, and I can't eat after dinner tonight. I was told to take it easy on the food today to make fasting tomorrow easier... But all I want is to stuff my face with steak and potatoes. Sort of a hibernation prep. 

I will keep you all updated. Follow me @vileramblings for live tweeting if I don't have anything better to do while I am sitting on my throne of awesome tomorrow. :-) 

Cheers to getting your colon checked.