Friday, September 27, 2013

My earliest memory

It was so green. Ferns and trees covered the long slope behind our apartment just big enough for my mom, her husband and the three of us kids. 

My step dad and I were out on the small deck and I can still feel the rush of the wind and the terror in my bones as he tossed me higher and higher in the air. I was giggling and screaming for him to stop at the same time. It was exhilarating and terrifying. 

I can remember the feeling of love and comfort in his arms as he would catch me. I would rest my head on his chest and hear him talk. His voice rumbles from his chest into my ear as I hear him talk about work and plans for our new house. The one my Papa built. 

I was three. My life was just beginning and my memories just starting to form. My memory is like a patchwork quilt inside my head made of colors and images sometimes little clips of what felt like out of body experiences. I can see myself flying into the air. I can see myself curled up against the wall crying or screaming down the hallway. 

If I can remember little things, meaningless things; why can I not remember an appointment that's been scheduled or to put my sons homework in his back pack? Sometimes to even flush the toilet. 


Monday, September 9, 2013

Your sticking that where?!

What?! There!? AND THERE?! 

Yup... After the toilet and my behind get to know each other VERY well tomorrow ( or so I have heard ) I am going in for my very first, and hopefully only ever, colonoscopy. 

See this all started years ago with a little pain. Progressively getting worse and worse each year until two weeks ago I landed my pretty bottom in a chair at the local GI office. After a brief and embarrassing discussion about my symptoms ( Come on folks, I can hardly talk to my OB about sex and my husband can't think of one time in almost eight years that I have pooped ) she told me that we need to do a... COLONOSCOPY. 

I ran screaming out of the office, jumped in my van and pealed off as if it where a Camaro. 

No... After she explained in graphic and horrifying detail about the things they are going to probe me with, I wanted to run. But then they said the magic word... Sedative. And I am good. It wasn't until after I scheduled the appointment that she told me what they wanted me to do... Before hand. 

At noon tomorrow I have to take two stool softeners followed by drinking half a gallon of what I am told tastes like salt water. Then I have to sit on the toilet until my poo goes from solid to water. 

Oh, and I can't eat after dinner tonight. I was told to take it easy on the food today to make fasting tomorrow easier... But all I want is to stuff my face with steak and potatoes. Sort of a hibernation prep. 

I will keep you all updated. Follow me @vileramblings for live tweeting if I don't have anything better to do while I am sitting on my throne of awesome tomorrow. :-) 

Cheers to getting your colon checked.